Sunday, April 27, 2008


Jason Michael Dorrier, Damon Lantay Kasberg, Derrick J Royer, Michael Glenn Thorman...

I have no idea who the hell you people are.

...but you're online with me on OnCourse right now.

I'm imagining you're having the same troubles I am. I could be wrong. You could have everything amazingly figured out.

I don't.

For the past couple weeks or so I've been straining. I've been straining to come to classes. I've been straining to show up to work. I've been straining to be productive in any manner.

But most of all, I've been straining with this damn final project. My problem lies here:

How can I ever share myself with you?

I say this not only because I'm a painfully shy person and rarely let anyone see my raw emotions, but also because I have no idea how to. How can I possibly begin to let you know who I am? Is that even possible? I'm fairly certain its not possible with a small project like this one.

I thought I had my mind wrapped around this concept and then Alyssa wrote her poem and totally blew my head off my shoulders...Thanks.

So then I came to a crossroads...Do I even try?

I'm tired of being overwhelmed with projects. I wanted to at least make an attempt at this one even if it was a failure. I've never put effort into anything I was unsure of.

I started thinking deeper about how I've expressed myself in the past. For some reason, anytime I ever wanted to say anything in the past I relied on some sort of quote or song or something.

'Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong.'

I realized that I'm hiding behind other people. I hide behind their words in substitution for my own and somehow they become my words.

I'm still trying to find my voice. I don't think its there yet, but I'm going to be damned if I let someone else do my speaking for me.


So there's this whole project thing...

I feel like I still need to throw something at the class. I've come this far, it'd be pretty shitty to pull a Doug and not do anything. (No offense Doogles, I loved it).

So I will leave you with these: a sampling of some photography work I've done.

Maybe you can look at them and tell something about me. Maybe not. I really don't care because I will be whatever you make me. I am something different in everyones eyes.

1 comment:

spyroterra said...

I think the most important part of what you said was when you listed the people Oncourse (which whom you have many connections) at the same time as you and you didn't know who any of them are. And also the fact that you decided to share yourself with this project when you are not required to do so! I know it is a struggle, but I really think you are going somewhere you may not have ever gone before and that is all any teacher can ask. Yes, sometimes you go there and decide not to stay, and that is OK. At least you tried. Kudos to you, man!