Oh yea...I forgot this, too.

Remember the badass paint-drip looking PhotoShop concoction Beth showed us? And how it was actually long, shaky exposures to lightbulbs and stuff?

Sure.

Well, the funny thing is, I'd been tinkering with that exact same sort of idea several months ago. I thought I'd show you what I was working with...



It's not as cool as Beth's because I only used a few layers, but I like it. The pictures were just taken on my digital, driving around downtown at night and snapping shots of the street lights out of the sunroof.

Yep. There ya go.

Also, this:



Just because I think it's cool. I used generally the same technique and applied it to an existing photo I found online.

...makes cool wallpapers! :-)

[?]

Jason Michael Dorrier, Damon Lantay Kasberg, Derrick J Royer, Michael Glenn Thorman...

I have no idea who the hell you people are.

...but you're online with me on OnCourse right now.

I'm imagining you're having the same troubles I am. I could be wrong. You could have everything amazingly figured out.

I don't.

For the past couple weeks or so I've been straining. I've been straining to come to classes. I've been straining to show up to work. I've been straining to be productive in any manner.

But most of all, I've been straining with this damn final project. My problem lies here:

How can I ever share myself with you?

I say this not only because I'm a painfully shy person and rarely let anyone see my raw emotions, but also because I have no idea how to. How can I possibly begin to let you know who I am? Is that even possible? I'm fairly certain its not possible with a small project like this one.

I thought I had my mind wrapped around this concept and then Alyssa wrote her poem and totally blew my head off my shoulders...Thanks.

So then I came to a crossroads...Do I even try?

I'm tired of being overwhelmed with projects. I wanted to at least make an attempt at this one even if it was a failure. I've never put effort into anything I was unsure of.

I started thinking deeper about how I've expressed myself in the past. For some reason, anytime I ever wanted to say anything in the past I relied on some sort of quote or song or something.

'Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong.'

I realized that I'm hiding behind other people. I hide behind their words in substitution for my own and somehow they become my words.

I'm still trying to find my voice. I don't think its there yet, but I'm going to be damned if I let someone else do my speaking for me.


::


So there's this whole project thing...

I feel like I still need to throw something at the class. I've come this far, it'd be pretty shitty to pull a Doug and not do anything. (No offense Doogles, I loved it).

So I will leave you with these: a sampling of some photography work I've done.

Maybe you can look at them and tell something about me. Maybe not. I really don't care because I will be whatever you make me. I am something different in everyones eyes.

So I haven't posted in awhile...

I'm not sure what it is, but this semester seems to be draining me in every way. I haven't posted in awhile because, like I said in class, its hard to find the motivation for this course since everyone seems to be so passive about everything.

The assignment last week was completely and utterly stupid. Simplify myself onto one piece of paper? No writing on it?

AND USE AN 'X'???? WHAT THE HELL?

This is exactly the kind of thing that is frustrating me. Beth, I love the idea of the course, but I'm not sure these kinds of assignments are going to change whatever creative or expressive block we have. That being said, I have no idea what would be a good assignment, so I'm going to shut up about that now.

Dustin Hayes.

I have to give Dustin a B on the assignment. He took the piece of paper and did whatever he wanted to with it. I liked how he just smeared a bunch of stuff on there and then made up a logic behind it later. Bullshit seems to be a new media student's greatest skill. He provided a stupid answer for a stupid project (No offense, Beth). In that aspect he succeeded.

Although, he didn't really show anything about himself as per the instructions (Are we still allowed to call them instructions if we're not allowed to consider you the instructor?) Hence, the 'B'.

For the record...I didn't think mine was any more creative than his. :-)

CONNECTIONS

I had a few ideas for this assignment but I have no idea how I'm going to express them.

A buddy of mine gave me the first when he was telling me about making up nicknames for people in one of his classes. He used extreme stream-of-consciousness thought to connect people with their nicknames. I thought it was a cool idea, but its not mine, so I can't very well use that. (I wouldn't want to be unoriginal, would I, Freak?)

So I was in Bloomington for the past 3 days. I met tons of people and saw lots of friends I haven't seen in years. Somehow though, I had my project fall into my lap. While visiting a friend's house, I spotted this gigantic green wall. (Sorry, I didn't have a camera with me) I triggered a memory I had of another friend posing with green wall in a picture. Turns out, these two people (who dont know each other at all) lived in the same room in the same house at different times. How odd is that?



I just had another thought...

What if our visual associations were as clear as our olfactory associations. I've spoken about it in class before...the smell of hospitals reminds me of my grandmother passing and still makes me nauseous 4 years later. What if you could create a visual association that is that strong?

Maybe some people already have that, though.




I have no idea what I'm doing. Someone help me out of this rut.



Please?